It all started when our (former porn) star, Shuu Hei, woke up in a swamp. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling ridiculously exasperated, Shuu Hei stroked a dangerous oil-soaked rag, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Ecstatic about the looming crises, he realized that his beloved puddi was missing! Immediately he called his former lay, Madhoe. Shuu Hei had known Madhoe for (plus or minus) half a million years, the majority of which were flamboyant ones. Madhoe was unique. He was outgoing though sometimes a little.. annoying. Shuu Hei called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Madhoe picked up to a very angry Shuu Hei. Madhoe calmly assured him that most disease-carrying chipmunks turn red before mating, yet albino cats usually surreptitiously belch after mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Shuu Hei. Why was Madhoe trying to distract Shuu Hei? Because he had snuck out from Shuu Hei's with the puddi only eight days prior. It was an eccentric little puddi.. how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Shuu Hei got back to the subject at hand: his puddi. Madhoe sneezed. Relunctantly, Madhoe invited him over, assuring him they'd find the puddi. Shuu Hei grabbed his refrigerator and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Madhoe realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the puddi and he had to do it carefully. He figured that if Shuu Hei took the spaceship, he had take at least six minutes before Shuu Hei would get there. But if he took the anus? Then Madhoe would be alarmingly screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Madhoe was interrupted by nine selfish Pedobears that were lured by his puddi. Madhoe turned red; 'Not again,' he thought. Feeling pleased, he thoughtfully reached for his banana and deftly deflowered every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent -- the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the anus rolling up. It was Shuu Hei.
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Seven-Eleven to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With an inept leap, Shuu Hei was out of the anus and went exotically jaunting toward Madhoe's front door. Meanwhile inside, Madhoe was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the puddi into a box of live hand grenades and then slid the box behind his refrigerator. Madhoe was angered but at least the puddi was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Madhoe earnestly purred. With a deft push, Shuu Hei opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted flaming idiot in a curb-jumping ghetto sled,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Madhoe assured him. Shuu Hei took a seat vaguely close to where Madhoe had hidden the puddi. Madhoe panicked trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Shuu Hei was distracted. A few unfulfilled decades later, Madhoe noticed a dimwitted look on Shuu Hei's face. Shuu Hei slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'..What's that smell?'
Madhoe felt a stabbing pain in his fingernail when Shuu Hei asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the puddi right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..' A lie. An insensitive look started to form on Shuu Hei's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Shuu Hei nodded with fake acknowledgement. Then, before Madhoe could react, Shuu Hei fearlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The puddi was plainly in view.
Shuu Hei stared at Madhoe for what what must've been two seconds. Just as zero people expected Madhoe groped scandalously in Shuu Hei's direction, clearly desperate. Shuu Hei grabbed the puddi and bolted for the door. It was locked. Madhoe let out a chuckling chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened!' he rebuked. Madhoe always had been a little retarded, so Shuu Hei knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Madhoe did something crazy, like... start chucking bananas at him or something. Before anyone could pull their pants down, he gripped his puddi tightly and made a squiggly dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Madhoe looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Shuu Hei. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame ten days ago.. it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Shuu Hei. 'Oh. You.. okay?' Still silence. Madhoe walked over to the window and looked down. Shuu Hei was gone.
Just yonder, Shuu Hei was struggling to make his way through the bush behind Madhoe's place. Shuu Hei had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Pedobears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the puddi. One by one they latched on to Shuu Hei. Already weakened from his injury, Shuu Hei yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Pedobears running off with his puddi.
About eight hours later, Shuu Hei awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Shuu Hei did not know where he was. Deep in the mysterious magical cornfield, Shuu Hei was alarmingly lost. Giggling like a schoolgirl, he remembered that his puddi was taken by the Pedobears. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a huge misshapen Pedobear emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the Alpha Pedobear. Shuu Hei opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Pedobear sunk its teeth into Shuu Hei's banana. With a faint groan, the manly life escaped from Shuu Hei's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than five miles away, Madhoe was entombed by anguish over the loss of the puddi. 'My precious..' he hissed, as he reached for a sharpened dangerous oil-soaked rag. With a careful thrust, he buried it deeply into his heart. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Shuu Hei.. wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the puddi that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholic sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Pedobears, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after.
The end.
Madhoe picked up to a very angry Shuu Hei. Madhoe calmly assured him that most disease-carrying chipmunks turn red before mating, yet albino cats usually surreptitiously belch after mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Shuu Hei. Why was Madhoe trying to distract Shuu Hei? Because he had snuck out from Shuu Hei's with the puddi only eight days prior. It was an eccentric little puddi.. how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Shuu Hei got back to the subject at hand: his puddi. Madhoe sneezed. Relunctantly, Madhoe invited him over, assuring him they'd find the puddi. Shuu Hei grabbed his refrigerator and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Madhoe realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the puddi and he had to do it carefully. He figured that if Shuu Hei took the spaceship, he had take at least six minutes before Shuu Hei would get there. But if he took the anus? Then Madhoe would be alarmingly screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Madhoe was interrupted by nine selfish Pedobears that were lured by his puddi. Madhoe turned red; 'Not again,' he thought. Feeling pleased, he thoughtfully reached for his banana and deftly deflowered every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent -- the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the foxy forest, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the anus rolling up. It was Shuu Hei.
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Seven-Eleven to pick up a 12-pack of potatos, so he knew he was running late. With an inept leap, Shuu Hei was out of the anus and went exotically jaunting toward Madhoe's front door. Meanwhile inside, Madhoe was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the puddi into a box of live hand grenades and then slid the box behind his refrigerator. Madhoe was angered but at least the puddi was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Madhoe earnestly purred. With a deft push, Shuu Hei opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted flaming idiot in a curb-jumping ghetto sled,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Madhoe assured him. Shuu Hei took a seat vaguely close to where Madhoe had hidden the puddi. Madhoe panicked trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Shuu Hei was distracted. A few unfulfilled decades later, Madhoe noticed a dimwitted look on Shuu Hei's face. Shuu Hei slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'..What's that smell?'
Madhoe felt a stabbing pain in his fingernail when Shuu Hei asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the puddi right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..' A lie. An insensitive look started to form on Shuu Hei's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's dull pencils from when she used to have pet 3-legged wallabies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Shuu Hei nodded with fake acknowledgement. Then, before Madhoe could react, Shuu Hei fearlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The puddi was plainly in view.
Shuu Hei stared at Madhoe for what what must've been two seconds. Just as zero people expected Madhoe groped scandalously in Shuu Hei's direction, clearly desperate. Shuu Hei grabbed the puddi and bolted for the door. It was locked. Madhoe let out a chuckling chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened!' he rebuked. Madhoe always had been a little retarded, so Shuu Hei knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Madhoe did something crazy, like... start chucking bananas at him or something. Before anyone could pull their pants down, he gripped his puddi tightly and made a squiggly dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Madhoe looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Shuu Hei. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame ten days ago.. it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Shuu Hei. 'Oh. You.. okay?' Still silence. Madhoe walked over to the window and looked down. Shuu Hei was gone.
Just yonder, Shuu Hei was struggling to make his way through the bush behind Madhoe's place. Shuu Hei had severely hurt his shin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Pedobears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the puddi. One by one they latched on to Shuu Hei. Already weakened from his injury, Shuu Hei yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Pedobears running off with his puddi.
About eight hours later, Shuu Hei awoke, his kidney throbbing. It was dark and Shuu Hei did not know where he was. Deep in the mysterious magical cornfield, Shuu Hei was alarmingly lost. Giggling like a schoolgirl, he remembered that his puddi was taken by the Pedobears. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a huge misshapen Pedobear emerged from the imaginery desert. It was the Alpha Pedobear. Shuu Hei opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Pedobear sunk its teeth into Shuu Hei's banana. With a faint groan, the manly life escaped from Shuu Hei's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.
Less than five miles away, Madhoe was entombed by anguish over the loss of the puddi. 'My precious..' he hissed, as he reached for a sharpened dangerous oil-soaked rag. With a careful thrust, he buried it deeply into his heart. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Shuu Hei.. wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the puddi that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholic sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Pedobears, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after.
The end.
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